All so true! French by birth, I lived most of my adult life in NYC, now back in France and fuming at pretty much all the things you listed there. One thing you didn't mention (because it's so common place you gave up on it?) is people cutting lines (or, alternatively, having no lines to follow, ensuring maximum mess and frustration). That drives me bonkers... and make me miss the respectful and common sense-based American etiquette in these situations.
So true, the lines! I think this one is worse because line rules are taken very seriously in the US. Here, it’s very murky like the rules or lines change every day and I wasn’t told the new rules.
This is so perfectly written. Your decathlon description was poetic and your delivery driver / biking in Paris made me feel seen. I tell my husband I love yelling at them because 1. I know they won’t have a gun and 2. It’s cathartic and free therapy.
I’m not sure if you’ve ever joined a French gym but the proximity thing is next level in the locker room. You can be completely alone (and naked) and the one French person will come in and choose the locker right next to you. Not even bating an eye if they brush against your naked flesh. And then if you happen to go in the sauna wearing any type of underwear or sports bra, they will yell at you as if you’re breaking a constitutional law. I had one old lady tell me that wearing clothes was going to start a fire. 🔥 I urge you to join so you can have more reflections to write about. ☺️ And if you ever venture up to the 17th (Batignolles) I’d love to meet you for a thimble of water.
Yes! Trying to save enough space for myself and my yoga mat, I always wonder if I’m micromanaging my space too much as an American or if everyone else is wrong. I have also experienced feeling embarrassed for leaving my underwear ON in various gym spaces, I know I’m a puritan but I can’t adapt THAT much. Maybe someday. And yes, would love to meet you over many pours of small waters, I’m a big fan of Batignolles.
Frenchman here: I think you're perfectly right to not get over these things, most are basic human decency, and my fellow citizens should do better. For the jeans part, I don't care how people dress, but the success of those skinny versions has indeed reduced my choices in shops. Then again, for me jeans peaked in the 1990s, when they were baggy, so I'm rather biased 😊🎩
I'm french and I even can't get over some of the things you mentionned. Don't get me started with crowds, cutting lignes, walking up my ass (and in the south of Frqnce, driving up my ass). I hate people 🤣
We live in Montpellier and were just cursing the white vans, mopeds, and bicyclists who tried to run us over as we crossed in a crosswalk with a walk signal!
Hilarious newsletter! I'm a native Parisian and just read this out loud to my American partner who now lives in Paris too. We agree with everything you said. I think for the tiny glasses in restaurants, the issue is that we're so used to them because they're the same ones you have at the cafeteria as a child... But they're too small!
Loved this! Although I actually like the not having to smile part. I always got so annoyed by men especially telling me to smile in the US that it’s nice to not have to smile at strangers. Although you must say bonjour all the time to everyone, or you get scolded (or at least I was scolded by strangers a few times and it was enough for me to remember to always say bonjour). And for the complacency part, I think it’s mostly true but I do feel like the French expect people to argue more but in this weird polite way I haven’t gotten the hang of yet. My husband is pretty much a master at it, so I always send him in when French admin tell me ‘c’est pas possible’.
oh my gosh, I’d almost forgotten about being told to smile! Your’e right, I’ll take no smiling to being told to smile any day. And that’s a great point about the arguing; once I learned that I was expected to debate or push a bit and that wasn’t being rude, it was just part of a normal exchange, I was much more comfortable.
I clicked on the article because I saw your name and recognized it (I think we worked at the same place in LA, briefly, many years ago! I remember you being a writer then), and oh! Your writing is so delightful!!
As a Brit living in the US, the smiling thing drives me crazy in reverse. Having to smile here to communicate non-threatening friendliness when all it *should* take is a bit of playful banter feels exhausting to me. That was playful banter. Though I am serious, too.
Agreed on the water glasses- am always shocked about it whenever I’m in France. I am married to a giant water bottle.
Hello Rebecca! I remember, it was a startup that shall remain nameless :) And I’d prefer some banter to a smile if people could muster it. I think we’re better at smiles in LA while you Brits have a better way with words. I know I know more generalizations.
This made me laugh out loud! I’ve been living in France for almost two years and can relate to a ton of these points. My favorite drink is water, so you can imagine my outrage at every single meal!!!
Please please come to London and shout at idiots on the Tube and white van drivers, it would be very refreshing. Unlike the residents of Paris, Londoners do actually notice other people in crowds, and while walking, and often say "sorry" and "excuse me" - while barging you out of the way. We also smile a lot, but we don't mean it.
Yes to all. I lived in chamonix for a while (american) and while chamonix is not paris...the not smiling thing or not saying bonjour passing on a morning walk used to make me furious lol. Just be nice!
Lived in paris for two years some twenty years ago.
You’ve nailed much of the irritations! On the other hand,
the cigarette smoke no longer fills the restaurants as many diners used to smoke right through their meals. And a little less dog poop is a welcome plus. In those days I never once saw anyone pick up, despite an amazing set of public service ads.
Once as newbies our family of four was waiting in “line” for a film, and although we began near the front of this “line”, we were among the last to get through the doors.
I remember riding the bus with my 12-year-old daughter (who had her enormous school back pack) as a 50-year-old woman stared her down to get her seat. Finally the woman said firmly to the oblivious child, “moi, j’ai la priorite’ “ and took her seat.
Do not take to the streets unarmed in the rain, either. The old ladies with umbrellas will knock you down or put your eyes out. Keep yours up for protection, even if you don’t mind the rain.
Parisians do enjoy their pushing sports, and not just in sporting stores and metros.
Bold choice to tu toyer them. Rebel girl!
Sometimes it’s intentional. Sometimes I forget a vous conjugation and I have to make it work 🫠
I am HOWLING. This is the best writing I’ve read all week.
All so true! French by birth, I lived most of my adult life in NYC, now back in France and fuming at pretty much all the things you listed there. One thing you didn't mention (because it's so common place you gave up on it?) is people cutting lines (or, alternatively, having no lines to follow, ensuring maximum mess and frustration). That drives me bonkers... and make me miss the respectful and common sense-based American etiquette in these situations.
So true, the lines! I think this one is worse because line rules are taken very seriously in the US. Here, it’s very murky like the rules or lines change every day and I wasn’t told the new rules.
More likely, there is no rule, never was, never will ;)
This is so perfectly written. Your decathlon description was poetic and your delivery driver / biking in Paris made me feel seen. I tell my husband I love yelling at them because 1. I know they won’t have a gun and 2. It’s cathartic and free therapy.
I’m not sure if you’ve ever joined a French gym but the proximity thing is next level in the locker room. You can be completely alone (and naked) and the one French person will come in and choose the locker right next to you. Not even bating an eye if they brush against your naked flesh. And then if you happen to go in the sauna wearing any type of underwear or sports bra, they will yell at you as if you’re breaking a constitutional law. I had one old lady tell me that wearing clothes was going to start a fire. 🔥 I urge you to join so you can have more reflections to write about. ☺️ And if you ever venture up to the 17th (Batignolles) I’d love to meet you for a thimble of water.
Yes! Trying to save enough space for myself and my yoga mat, I always wonder if I’m micromanaging my space too much as an American or if everyone else is wrong. I have also experienced feeling embarrassed for leaving my underwear ON in various gym spaces, I know I’m a puritan but I can’t adapt THAT much. Maybe someday. And yes, would love to meet you over many pours of small waters, I’m a big fan of Batignolles.
Frenchman here: I think you're perfectly right to not get over these things, most are basic human decency, and my fellow citizens should do better. For the jeans part, I don't care how people dress, but the success of those skinny versions has indeed reduced my choices in shops. Then again, for me jeans peaked in the 1990s, when they were baggy, so I'm rather biased 😊🎩
I'm french and I even can't get over some of the things you mentionned. Don't get me started with crowds, cutting lignes, walking up my ass (and in the south of Frqnce, driving up my ass). I hate people 🤣
"Lines" but you got that anyway. Thank you corrector !
So funny. Painfully accurate. Bravo
We live in Montpellier and were just cursing the white vans, mopeds, and bicyclists who tried to run us over as we crossed in a crosswalk with a walk signal!
Love the writing. Thank you.
Stay safe out there but also yell at them a bit 😉
“You can only ever be disappointed if you started out with unrealistic expectations.”
Hilarious newsletter! I'm a native Parisian and just read this out loud to my American partner who now lives in Paris too. We agree with everything you said. I think for the tiny glasses in restaurants, the issue is that we're so used to them because they're the same ones you have at the cafeteria as a child... But they're too small!
Loved this! Although I actually like the not having to smile part. I always got so annoyed by men especially telling me to smile in the US that it’s nice to not have to smile at strangers. Although you must say bonjour all the time to everyone, or you get scolded (or at least I was scolded by strangers a few times and it was enough for me to remember to always say bonjour). And for the complacency part, I think it’s mostly true but I do feel like the French expect people to argue more but in this weird polite way I haven’t gotten the hang of yet. My husband is pretty much a master at it, so I always send him in when French admin tell me ‘c’est pas possible’.
oh my gosh, I’d almost forgotten about being told to smile! Your’e right, I’ll take no smiling to being told to smile any day. And that’s a great point about the arguing; once I learned that I was expected to debate or push a bit and that wasn’t being rude, it was just part of a normal exchange, I was much more comfortable.
I clicked on the article because I saw your name and recognized it (I think we worked at the same place in LA, briefly, many years ago! I remember you being a writer then), and oh! Your writing is so delightful!!
As a Brit living in the US, the smiling thing drives me crazy in reverse. Having to smile here to communicate non-threatening friendliness when all it *should* take is a bit of playful banter feels exhausting to me. That was playful banter. Though I am serious, too.
Agreed on the water glasses- am always shocked about it whenever I’m in France. I am married to a giant water bottle.
Hello Rebecca! I remember, it was a startup that shall remain nameless :) And I’d prefer some banter to a smile if people could muster it. I think we’re better at smiles in LA while you Brits have a better way with words. I know I know more generalizations.
ALSO, wow what a small world!
This made me laugh out loud! I’ve been living in France for almost two years and can relate to a ton of these points. My favorite drink is water, so you can imagine my outrage at every single meal!!!
At first I thought my body would adjust to less water but nah, it never happened.
Please please come to London and shout at idiots on the Tube and white van drivers, it would be very refreshing. Unlike the residents of Paris, Londoners do actually notice other people in crowds, and while walking, and often say "sorry" and "excuse me" - while barging you out of the way. We also smile a lot, but we don't mean it.
At least I could do it in English.
Yes to all. I lived in chamonix for a while (american) and while chamonix is not paris...the not smiling thing or not saying bonjour passing on a morning walk used to make me furious lol. Just be nice!
I say bonjour anyway!
Lived in paris for two years some twenty years ago.
You’ve nailed much of the irritations! On the other hand,
the cigarette smoke no longer fills the restaurants as many diners used to smoke right through their meals. And a little less dog poop is a welcome plus. In those days I never once saw anyone pick up, despite an amazing set of public service ads.
Once as newbies our family of four was waiting in “line” for a film, and although we began near the front of this “line”, we were among the last to get through the doors.
I remember riding the bus with my 12-year-old daughter (who had her enormous school back pack) as a 50-year-old woman stared her down to get her seat. Finally the woman said firmly to the oblivious child, “moi, j’ai la priorite’ “ and took her seat.
Do not take to the streets unarmed in the rain, either. The old ladies with umbrellas will knock you down or put your eyes out. Keep yours up for protection, even if you don’t mind the rain.
Parisians do enjoy their pushing sports, and not just in sporting stores and metros.
Yes! The French complain about how loud Americans are, but we are much more polite and less pushy!