Highly Specific Recommendations: Paris Spots I'm Not Cool Enough For
I mean, I still go, but it's clear I'm not cool enough to be there.
Thank you to everyone who voted for this topic when I polled you. Full transparency, it was a tie between “bars I’m not cool enough for” and “almost kid-friendly spots,” but I’m starting with this one, as Paris's going-out places have been on my mind recently.
Ya see, I’m reluctantly planning my 40th birthday party, so I’ve been prowling Instagram and the hundreds of saved locations on my Google Maps for the perfect chill, fun, delicious, yet effortlessly aspirational place to commemorate my age. It has to be a spot that is ever so slightly uncomfortable and just a little bit too cool for me, to ward off the imminent decline into complacency and uncoolness that can come with age, but that I’ve decided will not come for me.
This research has surfaced many an intimidating wine cave that I will now share with you.
As with any academic endeavor, we have to unpack our assumptions, starting with the obvious: what does cool even mean? For the purpose of this article, cool signifies places that are interesting, audacious, rigorously aesthetic (or intentionally not), all-consuming, that do what they do (either a great deal, or very little) with intention, and whose flame tends to attract moths whose fashion does the same. As you’ll see, some places are cool in a good way, whose general effect is greater than the sum of their parts. Others will achieve this cool, but just end up being kind of lame because they insist upon themselves too much. You know the difference when you walk in.
And why am I qualified to determine what is cool or not? I’m not sure that I am, which is why this list is tense with FOMO, self-consciousness, and caveats.
I also want to clarify that these aren’t all bar bars; many are small plates places, wine bars, and wine-forward restaurants. Going out in Paris is still very food-forward, something I’m not mad about. I guess a better title would be “Paris Going Out Spots I’m Not Cool Enough For,” but it’s too many syllables for me.
Let’s get to it, Paris bars I’m not cool enough for, even though I still frequent many of these.
Cendrillion was the location of one of my favorite nights out last year. It’s actually a restaurant, not a going-out spot, but if I had to go out for a fun night, it’s the spot I’d choose. The small plates were some of the most imaginative I’ve had, the wine was great, and the bathroom is one of the most interesting in Paris. Thank god my friend reserved a table outside so we could enjoy the spring sunset.
Delicatessen Place: I know I’m not cool enough to be here, because the one time I went, I accidentally went into the wine cave and not the wine bar, then when I got to the wine bar they were like, “Uh, kitchen is closed and you only have time for one verre,” and the tween working the bar looked mad that I deigned to enter the room. Take me back. There’s also frequently a hoard of youths drinking on the sidewalk, so I never know if I’ll even be able to snag a glass or spot if I’m brave enough to show up here.
Desordre: The first time I came here, I felt very welcome and had more glasses of natural wine than I can count. I like the pretty glasses they put their cocktails in. I made the mistake of trying to come back for their anniversary party, which was a huge mistake. Impossible to get a drink unless you were a female friend of the owners. I’ll probably be back because I want to win them over, and I want one of the T-shirts they sell with the tigers.
Cave Canaille: I think this is part of that Chambre Noire group, but it’s hard to tell because their marketing is always a little murky, which adds to the cool effect. I always see this place devolve into dancing on tables by the end of the night (via their Instagram stories), and I wonder, how does that even start? Who gets onto the table first? Does everyone want to dance to such loud music? Why does this never happen when I’m at a wine bar?
Septime La Cave: You know this place is going to be good because, Septime. Despite the fact that this wine cave is smaller than my kitchen, you can usually snag a spot UNLESS it’s fashion week, in which case, you should probably just sip wine at home.
I regret to inform you that Bambino is too cool in the uncool, less functional way. Yes, it’s beautiful, yes, it seems cool, yes, that’s a lot of records on the shelves. But it’s too well-known and impossible to get into anymore. Last time I went, I was stuffed into a weird corner table where staff kept hitting my butt when they passed. Awful experience. I also found the food kinda mid. So I guess we could say this one is so cool it circled back around to not cool again, and now you won’t catch me there.
If you don’t feel like waiting in line for Bambino, just cruise west a block to local cafe/bar/tabac L’etincelle, which is so uncool that it is cool. The intersection of Amelot/Saint-Sébastien on a Friday night is overflowing with young people just gabbing and enjoying cheap beer and wine at this corner spot. I always wonder how anyone finds a table, is able to order a verre, but somehow they all just seem to make it work.
La Patate Douce is a tiny cafe and bar with an intimate, retro vibe, like four tables, and always has live music and DJs. Every time I see their stories, I wonder how the people who are there knew when to come, who was playing that night, how they even managed to grab a table. I also wonder if they do privatizations. I’d love to rent this place out for something.
L’Etoile de Montmartre: I used to frequent this spot when I lived up in the 18th on the north side of the butte. I liked it because it was just a cafe/brasserie not trying to be anything. For lack of any truly hip spots, many of the bar/cafes in this quartier get flooded with youths who want a place to congregate, L’Etoile de Montmartre being one of them. Now people talk about it on TikTok like it’s the place to be. Cave Cafe across the street is also a nice little nook to haunt; it’s so unassuming, chill, and not trying to be anything but an old room with some chairs. I think they might do brunch.
Au Reve around the corner on Caulaincourt used to be a divey little spot with a cloud of cigarette smoke around the tiny terrace. Then they did a cheeky little rebrand (in my favorite shade of green) and classed it up a bit. I haven’t been to this new iteration; I think I personally will enjoy it, which might mean it’s slightly less cool because I am old and like to hear my conversations when I’m out.
Montezuma Cafe was way ahead of the vinyl bar trend in Paris, and is one of the few that seems to be authentically about what it’s about, vs. just hopping on the trend. I still have never been, because I first learned of this spot when I was pregnant, and then ever since giving birth, have not had the patience to travel more than 10 metro stops to go out. The food always looks amazing, maybe I should have my bday here.
Mish Mish: You know I have some thoughts on this place. The line around the
