Highly Specific Recommendations: Kinda Kid-Friendly Paris Dining
Because I don't really like going to the park.
A while back, I polled y’all to see if you were more interested in bars or kid-friendly spots, and it was a tie. I just haven’t had time to get to kid-friendly spots just yet, especially because I over-complicated it by specifying that I’d be focusing on kind of kid-friendly spots.
What does “kind of kid-friendly” even mean? It all goes back to me being a kind of selfish parent. Extremely kid-friendly places and activities make me uncomfortable and unhappy. It’s because of all the kids. Okay, okay, not all of them, of course; sometimes, kids are cute/cool/interesting. But if you get a bunch of them together, much like their adult genetic contributors, many of them are not. Especially in Paris. Also, the more kids around, the more Parisian parents will also be there, ignoring their kids who are probably pushing or knocking down my child. So that’s even more people for me to dislike.
The kid-friendly settings themselves can be quite interesting, but once the initial awe has worn off, you are left sitting in a weird simulacrum of fun, which tends to get me down. The Maison des Histoires in the 11th, for example, is quite impressive, a revelation really, for about 20 minutes. But after a while, all I hear is the wave of screams, all I smell is the faint odor of a diaper that needs to be changed, all I see is every square centimeter of germy surface my child has touched. Because these places are intended for kids, their parents tend to think it’s okay to stop paying attention and let them run amok, leading to a loud and injury-ridden social experiment that isn’t fun for anyone.
Instead of learning to like the kid-friendly torture domes that I have exposed myself to by deigning to procreate, I’ve decided to favor kind of kid-friendly places instead, as a middle ground.
These are places that are for humans doing human things like eating or hanging out, but where a decently behaved child can still enjoy themself alongside their caretakers. Some of these places are restaurants that happen to be spacious or considerate of the fact that children have unique needs. Some are fun places for adults to hang out that happen to remember that children exist. All of them are not children-first, however, and still require parents to monitor their kids, and demand a level of comportment from their kids (sit still at the table, use a fork, etc.).
That’s why I like these spots; I can enjoy them with my child, there are usually not an overwhelming amount of kids there, and if there are, they tend to be pretty well behaved, otherwise their parents wouldn’t have brought them there in the first place. The vibe isn’t child-at-the-brewery, either. I don’t really like that vibe. Just as kid-friendly places aren’t really for me, some grown-up places aren’t for even the most well-behaved kids.
The trade-off is that, because these aren’t spaces specifically for kids, you have to be on your A-game, both you and your child, to enjoy them. If I’m bringing my kid somewhere that isn’t kid-specific, then I try to ensure he can manage his business well enough to be there and not ruin everyone else’s time. That’s a lot to ask of a toddler, but if he wants to run with the big dogs, he needs to know how to sit through an hour+ dinner. If he isn’t in the mood, isn’t in a resourceful enough state to be there, I quietly extract us, and I take the blame. It’s my fault for putting him in too soon or when he’s not in the right mental state.
I actually can only think of one time that this happened, at a guinguette when we were both jet lagged, and he wanted to run amok behind the stage. I wanted to yell and scream about how we’d just arrived, I wanted to dance. Couldn’t he please just behave for like 20 minutes? But instead, I scooped him up, wrestled him into his pousette, and pushed home the screaming bundle of rage.
It’s with this level of discernment that I provide these dining recommendations. Give them a try, knowing you are somewhat set up for success because these places are somewhat hospitable to children, as long as your child is somewhat up for the challenge.
