Ham and No AC: Pros and Cons of Giving Birth in France

Giving birth in France is a lot like giving birth in the US, just with more ham and weight shame, less AC and presents.

“Hungry? Just have some ham or cheese!” reads the pamphlet my doctor gave me with helpful information about my pregnancy. Published by the French Health Ministry, it joylessly states that the common “you’re eating for two!” logic is incorrect and it’s actually your job as a pregnant lady to not gain too much weight. It also states that if you must snack, make it something good for you like France’s finest meat and dairy. Now, I’ve never given birth in the US, but I just feel like my doctors there wouldn’t have advised me to curb my cravings by eating pork.

Being pregnant is hard no matter where you decide to undergo the gestational undertaking. You’re confused and uncomfortable for ten months, enduring a totally unfamiliar medical condition wherein a small being is stealing all of your nutrients and calories then making ready to exit your vagina. Now imagine doing that in a language you’re constantly reminded you’ve no talent for, spending your days translating medical terms that you …